Fun with String Theory

Fun with String Theory
Words and Music by Christopher White

I have got a string around my finger.
I don't remember what it's doing there.
But I've got some theories regarding its origin.
So many that I hardly know where to begin.

The Cartesian theory is that it's there; therefore it is.
The egoist's theory is that any finger of mine is a finger of his.
The pragmatist theory is that it's there to hold my finger in place.
The Great Man Theory is that my finger is tied to the whole human race.

The papal theory is that the string displays my piety.
The structuralist theory is that the string is wrapped around society.
The utilitarianist theory is that it's there for the common good.
The Mr. Rogers theory is that it's there for the whole neighborhood.

The stoicist theory is that I should really just ignore it.
The candidate's theory is that if it's popular, he is for it.
The feminist theory is that it's my finger; I'll take the string off if I choose.
The Nazi theory is that it's there because of the Jews.

The Arthurian theory is that whoever pulls it off is King.
The Darwinist theory is that it evolved from a smaller string.
The Creationist theory is that has been there all along.
The music theory is that I put it there to remember this song.

I have got a string around my finger.
I don't remember what it's doing there.
But I've got some theories regarding its origin.
So many that I hardly know where to begin.

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