Attack of the Martian Karate Ninjas
Words and Music by Christopher White 

I was on the back porch,
Sitting with some honeys,
Looking at the daily news,
Reading all the funnies.
I was feeling happy,
And pleasant as I sat,
When suddenly my peace of mind,
Was broken by the cat.
I heard it screaming anxiously,
"Meow, Meow, Meow!"
I turned around and said, "Hey, Kitty,
Don't you have a cow!"
But just as I was turning round,
Something caught my sight,
A man with 7 eyeballs,
And a suit as black as night.

As I began to pee my pants,
And think about a mop,
This man in black prepared a stance,
And raised his palms to chop.
I shrieked a shriek that said to him,
"I don't know what to say,"
Then turned around and watched,
As all my honeys ran away.
I was feeling scared,
As you can surely understand,
But I turned back to the eyes,
And the karate-chopping hand.
I thought, "I'll have to fight this bitch,
Or else he'll take me down!"
Then I got into a stance,
I had learned in Chinatown.

The Ninja started laughing,
'Cause I was a clueless duck,
Then he raised a leg, and said,
"Prepare to meet bad luck!"
I did my best to fight him,
But I had the cold and cough,
And just as my throat was scratching,
He chopped my head right off.
And as it stood there spinning,
I looked up from the floor,
And I saw my headless body,
Drenched with blood, and guts, and gore.
Then I tried to speak,
But all my vocal cords were dead,
So I was forced to whisper,
In falsetto from my head.

I said, "OK, Mr. Ninja,
Please just tell me who you are.
Why did you come to fight me?
Did you travel very far?"
He looked at me sincerely,
And said, "You may need some rum.
You see, I come from Mars,
And there are more of me to come!"

Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!

Now it's 12 years later,
And the martians all are here,
And they breed so very quickly,
Millions more are born each year.
My friends have all been eaten.
I fare better though in fate.
My skull is on the mantle.
You see, I'm, the head of state.
Sometimes my face is pink,
And other times it's red.
The martians look to me,
Though I am just a figurehead.
The leaders of the world are really
Zork, and Zeke, and Zock.
My face is just a novelty,
That they're using for a clock.

Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!

© Christopher White 2005


Back to Lyrics

Back to Home Page