Shakespeare brought his muses to the fifty states of A.
He was praised by all who met him, for what he had to say,
But his beard was suspicious to the airport security,
And oh the irony,
When the bard was hoist with his own green card.

Jesus was causing trouble, in the Middle East.
Somehow, his final supper became a cannibalistic feast,
And since he thought he was on a mission, he had a suicide-crucifixion,
And when he knocked over tables in the Jewish marketplace,
It was clearly another terrorism case.

George Washington was getting heat for leading revolution.
The people turned against him, for feeding them delusions,
And all different kinds of trouble ensued, when he claimed to be George W.,
But it was clear this thief was no real chief of ours.
You see, his flag was missing 37 stars.

I’ve got the Homeland Security,
Breathing down my neck and looking at me.
Ev'ry time I go to step in the shower,
They’re looking through an eye at the top of a tower,
And every time I go to the library, to take out a book by Richard Scary,
They’re looking at what I choose!  I’ve got the Homeland Security Blues.

The Mayflower tried an emergency landing, out on Plymouth Rock,
But they were busted! And so was the Enterprise, for harboring Mr. Spock.
They were thrown into a cell until further notice,
Till they change the Puritan Vulcan quotas,
They’re waiting for a toll from the liberty bell.
They don’t know that that was broken up as well.

Now, currently I’m sitting, on a bench out in the park.
Uncle Sam comes forward, through a bush out in the dark.
He pokes at me with a vaccine needle,
And I turn into a VW Beetle.
I find that I’ve forgotten how to think;
Dear God, I really need a drink.

I’ve got the Homeland Security,
It’s running through my veins, now it’s part of me.
It’s eating up my brains, and it’s filling up my heart,
And it’s even down there in my private parts,
And I don’t even know what I’m a-gonna do.
All I really know is that I gotta do it soon.
Who cares about the leeches in my shoes? I’ve got the Homeland Security Blues.