I think I hear her comin’, you’d better start a-runnin’,
I can hear her battle cries.
I feel her footsteps knockin’, you’d better get a walkin’,
‘Fore she cuts you down to size.
No one dares to criticize, though the timid all despise,
The fear-inducing, bloodshot eyes,
Of Mrs. Bertha Thunderthighs.

Compared to her, I’m scrawny, and she is gaining on me,
I think it’s time I learned to run.
Her pursuit is painful, her gait is so disdainful,
I’d shoot her if I had a gun.
Oh, here she comes, here she runs, and I am circumsized
By the fear-inducing, bloodshot eyes,
Of Mrs. Birtha Thunderthighs.

Mrs. Bertha Thunderthighs leaves me here paralyzed shaking in my boots,
I am drawn and quartered here, ambushed and cornered here, tied down by my roots,
She's got lightning speed, and it goes so nice, with her thunderthighs

© Christopher White 2004